A Man Discovered His 18-Year-Old Daughter Who Her Mother Had Kept Secret as Revenge, the Daughter Contacted Him to Pay Her College Fees, Was He Wrong to Refuse?

A man recently found out that he has an estranged daughter. After meeting her, she asked him to pay for her college fees. He refused but was unsure if this was the wrong thing to do. 

At First He Didn’t Believe That He Had a Daughter

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A 40 year old man was surprised to find out that he has an 18-year-old daughter. He explained, “When she came to me she told me that she just wanted to get to know her father.” He didn’t believe her at first but later realized that it was true.

He Made an Effort

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He explained, “I wasn’t really interested in a relationship but felt it would be cruel and unnecessary to deny her this”. The two of them chatted for a while.

He Called Her Mother for Answers 

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The man took down her mother’s phone number. He mentioned, “I really didn’t want to have to call her but I needed answers.”

They Met up in Person 

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The two of them made small talk over a cup of coffee. After a while, he asked her why she never told him about their daughter. 

She Told Him That She Wanted to Get Back at Him

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After he asked the question, there was silence. He described the conversation, “I asked a third time and she told me that she just didn’t want anything to do with me and wanted to get back at me”. 

He Was Angry at Her for Not Telling Him About His Daughter

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After hearing that she kept their daughter a secret as an act of revenge, he told her that all she did was deprive her daughter of a father figure. She then confessed that she had told their daughter about him when she was 12. 

He Wondered Why His Daughter Didn’t Contact Him Sooner

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He was confused as to why he was contacted six years after his daughter had found out about him. The mother explained that their daughter was angry that he wasn’t present in her life. 

His Daughter Finally Called Him

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He explained, “I didn’t ask why she didn’t call sooner because she was a hurting teen, and that’s life”. He stated that they spent the next week together to get to know each other. 

She Asked if They Could Talk

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One day his daughter asked him if they could talk. She continued to describe how difficult her life had been and explained that having a single parent household meant that they always struggled for money.

She Asked Him to Help With Her College Fees

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She then asked if he could help her pay for college. He clarified, “I am well off enough to pay for it without struggle”. He asked about her grades, and they were average. He then told her that he would think about it.

He Refused to Give Her the Money 

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He explained his reasons for refusing, “I don’t want to pay for the fees because, in reality, she is just a stranger with my DNA”. He believes that his daughter wants to use him for money and that he doesn’t want to be involved with her or her mother. 

Is He in the Wrong? 

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Should he help his daughter pay for her college fees? Or is the mother and daughter using him for his money? Could he have handled the situation differently?

He Turned to the Internet for Support

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One person commented, “You are totally right, this is not about a relationship with you, but with your money.”

Another Person Gave Their Advice

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“I do encourage you to seriously consider contributing to her university expenses (not to say you should or should not contribute, just seriously and honestly consider it). Think about her position – no father in her life and a mother who won’t answer any questions she has for the first 12 years.”

Other People Disagreed

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The timing is pretty suspect. I wouldn’t pay for her to go to school. He is essentially a stranger to her and IMO has a lot of nerve to even ask. At most I would offer to pay for her books.”

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