A 55-year-old father recently went on a college visit trip with his 17-year-old daughter, visiting various colleges to help her decide where she would like to continue her education.
Making Up Her Mind
During the trip, the daughter made up her mind about which college she wanted to attend. However, she decided to have some fun by not revealing her choice to her parents.
Playing Hard To Get
While having lunch, the daughter playfully announced to her father that she had made a decision, but wouldn’t disclose which college she chose.
Informing Her Mother
Whilst the father initially found this humorous, he texted his wife about it, and her response expressed concern. Primarily, she was worried about college fees and the expenses incurred during the college visit trips, and how they couldn’t financially plan until the daughter revealed her secret.
Continued Secrecy
At the airport during a layover, the daughter continued to keep her decision a secret and mentioned that she enjoyed teasing her parents.
Explaining The Seriousness
The father, concerned about financial planning and housing arrangements, explained the practical reasons for needing to know sooner rather than later.
The Costs To Visit The Colleges
Whilst the father continued to defend his wife’s concerns, she chimed in herself: “We’ve spent a great deal of money with trips, airline fares, hotels, meals, etc. for all of this”. The couple felt that the least the daughter could do in return was take the decision seriously.
The Silent Treatment
However, these serious conversations only led to the daughter feeling that her parents were guilt-tripping her. She stopped responding, giving them the silent treatment.
It’s In Her Best Interest
The father was particularly frustrated as his daughter didn’t realize the implications this could have on her college experience: He stated: “I’ve explained I need to plan and that the longer she waits, the housing queue becomes an issue. The majority of students get in the queue as soon as possible to be considered for the best housing.”
Seeking Clarity
The father was uncertain about whether he was in the wrong for continuing to hassle his daughter about her decision. It was important that he took his wife’s side and emphasized the importance of forward planning, but the silent treatment left him feeling like “the bad guy”.
Searching For Help
Troubled by the way he felt, the father headed online to share his story. One person had practical advice to offer: “Maybe try sitting down at dinner with your wife and daughter and both of you fully explaining that she needs to tell you. Make sure she knows that it’s not a joke, and if she wants the best, then she can’t wait around. College and finances are no joke.”
A Valuable Lesson
Other readers felt the best course of action was to wait it out and let her learn a valuable lesson. “This is a good opportunity for her to experience the consequences of her actions”, someone wrote. “Stop asking, stop complaining, stop saying anything about college to her. If she gets bad accommodation, or if there are money problems, that is on her… let her experience it.”
Planning For The Worst
“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes”, another community member wrote. “Tell her unless she tells you otherwise, you’re going to plan on having money available for the cheapest option on her list. If it turns out that wasn’t her pick, too bad.”
Time To Grow Up
Overall, the thread was united with the belief that the daughter was acting immaturely. “This is seriously pathetic behavior like you’d expect from a 3-year-old”, somebody sneered. “She’s not “having fun”, she’s wasting your time. Tell her if she wants to be so independent and uncooperative, she can take out a loan, get a part-time job, and finance college herself.”
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