A Man Lost His Wife and Eventually Dated Someone New, but He Freaked out When She Tried to Look Like His Dead Wife, Even Copying Her Tattoo

The man’s wife passed away several years ago, and he began dating a new woman. He noticed that she had been changing her appearance to look like his wife. Was he wrong to break up with her?

His Wife Passed Away

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The man was married to his wife for seven years and had a son who is now ten years old. He explained, “When we were both 28 we found out she had a rare form of cancer. She passed away five months later. This crushed me and I was left drowning in my grief for a long time afterwards.”

He and His Son Have Therapy

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He explained, “My son and I have been attending therapy weekly ever since. It’s been tough, but I feel like we’ve made a lot of progress. I didn’t feel up to another relationship for awhile. I’ve filled my time with hobbies, friends, and spending time with my son and family.”

He Met His New Girlfriend

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A year ago, he met a woman at a work event. They had a lot in common and began to date. He explained, “She’s great, but different from my wife. I love her for who she is as an individual. I was hesitant at first, but after speaking with my therapist I decided to try for a committed relationship if we take it slow.”

Things Went Well

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He told her about his past and that his son comes first in his life, and she was very understanding and compassionate. He added, “After a few months of smooth sailing I decided to introduce her to my son and they got along great as well. For the first time after my wife’s death I could start to see a possible future with someone else.”

She Felt Like a Replacement

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Four months ago, his girlfriend began to seem more distant and he asked her what was wrong. He said, “She teared up a bit and confessed that she felt I had been neglecting her lately. She then said that she feels like I’m using her as some replacement for my dead wife.”

He Felt Guilty

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This news came as a shock. He didn’t feel like he was neglecting his girlfriend but he would always love his wife. He added, “I felt guilty that I had made her upset so I ended up apologizing and arranged for us to have a few more date nights and she seemed happy again.”

She Took His Wife’s Earrings

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A few weeks later, she attended her cousin’s wedding. She claimed that there hadn’t been any pictures taken of her but later he saw one of her wearing his wife’s earrings. He added, “In my son’s room there is a small cupboard with pictures of him and his mom, letters from her, and some of her prized jewelry. I checked it as soon as I came home and the earrings were returned to the cupboard but in a different spot.”

He Confronted Her

bridesmaid
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He confronted her and she got angry that he assumed she’d be careless enough to lose or damage the earrings. He explained that he was hurt that she would take something of such sentimental value without asking. He added, “She eventually broke down and apologized and after a serious talk about boundaries we moved on.”

She Changed Her Appearance

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Things improved until he began to notice more strange behavior. She dyed her hair blonde and began straightening it, which matched his wife’s hair. She even started dressing like his wife and got her ears pierced. He added, “This was all incredibly unnerving but she just said I was crazy. I’d ask my family and they said I was nuts too so I ignored it.”

She Wanted to Be Called ‘Mama’

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She brought up the idea of having his son call her ‘Mama’. He wasn’t a fan but said that it was okay if his son wanted to. He explained, “She went on a whole rant about how it was different because he called my wife “mommy” so it’s not like she’s stealing a title. He said no and she was a bit cold to both of us for days.” 

The Final Straw Was a Tattoo

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She was a completely different woman to the one he fell in love with. He explained, “The final straw was when she got a tattoo that was almost the exact same as my wife’s. It was in the same spot, same color, just with a slightly different design.”

He Confronted Her

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She denied that she had been trying to look like his wife but then broke down and claimed that he never loved her. He added, “She said she felt that she had to live up to the memory of a ghost.” 

They Argued

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She continued to say that she felt unloved but he got angry and told her that if she felt unloved then they should break up. He added, “I honestly do like her but I’ve seen how miserable she has been lately and I don’t think this relationship is good for her mental health.”

She Tried to Take Her Life

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He explained, “Later that night she tried to commit suicide with pills and barely survived. She has no living family so I was listed as her emergency contact. She wrote a long letter to me saying she loves me so much but obviously I don’t feel the same, and that maybe if she was dead too I’d love her even a fraction of how much I loved my dead wife. I’m distraught over this, she’s been so strange lately but before all of this I really did love her.” 

Is He in the Wrong?

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His family have told him that he’s awful and should have reassured her. How should he handle the situation?

He Turned to the Internet for Advice

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One person commented, “Your family siding with her shows they don’t see what she’s doing or they don’t want to. Mention this in your therapy sessions because your son may get caught in the middle. What she’s doing is unstable, in my opinion, and goes much deeper than her bizarre mimicry.”

Another User Gave Their Opinion

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“Bringing a woman into your son’s life that is mentally unstable, is not better than not having a mother figure. If you are going to have any sort of healthy relationship, she needs to be happy first. Anyone worth being with will understand your son comes first and so should she.” 

Someone Else Commented

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“Do not visit her, do not speak to her, do not try to help her in any way. You broke up. Now cut her out and make it permanent. Contact a lawyer and see if they can send a cease and desist so you’re not her emergency contact.”

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