A man was happy with his girlfriend, but a past relationship had always lingered on his mind. He planned to pay homage to his late ex-girlfriend through a garden sign, but this wouldn’t sit well with his current partner.
History With Mary
Years ago, the man had been deeply in love with his girlfriend, Mary, and they had envisioned a future together. Tragically, Mary succumbed to cancer before they could marry. He stood by her side, supporting her throughout her brave battle.
A Heartfelt Promise
During their time together, he and Mary had often discussed their dream house, which included an elaborate flower garden in the yard. Knowing her time was limited, Mary made him promise that he would plant the garden in her memory once she was gone.
Moving Forward With Jill
Nearly seven years had passed since Mary’s passing, and he had since married Jill. They had recently moved into a lovely house, planning to make it their forever home. Jill was four months pregnant with their first child, and their future was filled with promise.
Jill’s Supportive Stance
Throughout their five-year relationship, Jill had been incredibly understanding of the man’s emotional connection to Mary. She had even helped him find a therapist to navigate his grief. However, he had always made it clear from the beginning that he intended to fulfill his promise to Mary by creating her dream garden.
The Sudden Conflict
However, a recent discussion about adding a sign to the garden with the inscription “Mary’s Flower Garden” led to an unexpected conflict. “She got very upset and told me that I was “not allowed” to call the garden that name because it’s our house, not Mary’s”, the man recounted.
Jill became very upset at the man’s wishes. She vented her frustrations, expressing her discomfort living in Mary’s shadow and feeling like she had to compete for his love with a deceased woman.
A Surprising Reaction
The man was surprised by this reaction. “She had no issues with it until I mentioned it yesterday”, the man explained. “I tried to explain to her that yes, it is ours, but it’s also a dedication to Mary and the life she wanted to live.”
Hormones or Legitimate Concerns?
The man’s friend had suggested that Jill’s emotional outburst might be due to pregnancy hormones. Uncertain about the cause, he wondered if he was in the wrong for not fully understanding the impact of her hormones on her emotions.
Despite this potential explanation, the man found himself pondering whether he had unwittingly been insensitive. He completely understood why Jill felt like she was competing with Mary, but this concern had never come up before, leaving him conflicted.
Asking the Internet
The man took his woes online, asking an online community whether he was acting out of order. “Holy cow dude”, expressed one reader. “Yes, it’s tragic that Mary passed, and I’m sorry for the trauma you went through. But you have a life and a house with Jill now. It’s Jill’s house, too.”
Jill Came Second
Everyone agreed that the man was acting shockingly. “Your girlfriend has been your second choice for YEARS because you cannot let go of Mary”, another commenter expressed. “This ‘I want to name my garden after my dead ex’ is an absolute slap in the face. Sucks that she died but you have a living wife with a child on the way.”
One community member offered a suggestion for a compromise. “I wonder if Jill would be OK with some type of memorial plaque just saying ‘in memory of Mary’ or something similar, not that it’s Mary’s garden in the possessive”, they suggested.
Let Mary Go
Despite everything, no one was too harsh to the man. “Your heart is in the right place… but your promise to Mary was that you’d plant the garden – not that you’d name it after her with a sign and force your family to forever honor someone they never knew”, one commenter reminded him. “I think it might be time to let Mary go and allow Jill and your future kids to be your life now.”
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