A Man Regrets His Decision to Tell His Wife to Get a Job as Now He is Left to do the Housework and Look After Their Daughter

A husband’s concerns about his wife’s part-time job and its impact on their family life lead to conflicts over her work schedule.

A Fresh Start

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A 40-year-old man lives with his wife and their 6-year-old daughter. After discussing the possibility of his wife starting a part-time job while their daughter is in kindergarten, he is left feeling confused and angry when she starts a part-time job in the service industry.

A Secret Job

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She didn’t tell the man beforehand, leading to conflicts over her work schedule, household chores, and the smell of cigarettes in their apartment, causing him to suggest that she should look for another job with better pay and better working times. This led to her accusing him of being unsupportive, and now he doubts his own behavior.

The Fear

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The man had often discussed with his wife the possibility of her starting a part-time job while their daughter was in kindergarten, but she always said she didn’t have time for a job because she had to take care of the household chores. However, last year she came home and told him that she had a part-time job in the service industry, where she had to work in shifts for minimum wage. At first, he was confused and angry because he didn’t know beforehand that she had applied for a job, and he also feared that it wouldn’t be possible to ensure that there was always someone at home to take care of their daughter.

Increased Kindergarten

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But his wife ensured him that her schedule would be no problem because she could always change shifts with one of her co-workers. Since she began her new job, her work schedule shifted to almost a full-time job (150-160hrs/month), and the time their daughter was in kindergarten had increased on most days (7:30am-16:30am).

Stinking Up the Place

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Their apartment smelled of cigarettes because smoking was allowed in her workplace, and so her work clothes smelled. The man constantly had to leave work early because his wife needed the car to get to her job or he had to pick up their daughter from kindergarten.

A Better Job

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So he suggested to his wife that she should look for another job with better pay and better working times, and he even offered to write the applications for her or get her a job in the company he worked for. However, she got very angry and told him he was a jerk for not supporting her.

He Pulls His Weight

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He responded that since she got the job, he supported her in every way. He took care of their daughter because she worked most night shifts, and he did all the chores because she wanted to rest after a day of work.

Was He the Jerk?

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The man was left wondering if he was the jerk because he wanted his wife to get another job. He clarified that they had split the household chores 50/50 before his wife got the job, and he took care of their child for the most part.

Minimal Parenting

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She only took care of their child two days a week between 1pm and 4:30pm when he was at work. Getting their child ready for kindergarten, putting their child to bed, making food for her, etc…, was all done by him.

He also clarified that he never forced his wife to get a job. They had just discussed how it would be nice to have some spare money for vacations or to save for bad times. So he suggested that she could get a job, which she did not want.

High Risk, High Reward

They talked about other options like him quitting his job and starting his own company, which would be a high-risk but possibly high-reward situation, or him getting a second job, which she would not like because he would not have much time to take care of the household and their daughter. So no conclusion was reached in their discussions.

He Was Frustrated

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The man felt frustrated and confused about the situation. He loved his wife and supported her decision to get a job, but he felt like her work schedule was taking a toll on their family life. He wanted her to have a better-paying job with better working hours, but she seemed content with her current job. He didn’t know what to do or how to approach the situation without causing more conflicts.

A Neglectful Situation

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“I just want what’s best for our family,” he said. “I don’t want my wife to be unhappy or stressed out, and I don’t want our daughter to be neglected. But I also don’t want to be the bad guy in this situation. It’s a difficult balance to find.”

The Internet Responded

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This commenter wrote, I can understand the practical aspects of his complaints, though. If the transportation issue is causing him to miss work, that’s a genuine problem for him, and smoke on clothes is gross, hard to get out, and shouldn’t be around the kid.”

More Internet Comments

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Another person wrote, “You don’t get extra points for taking care of your own child and household. That said, if your wife isn’t happy with this job, you can ask if she’d like your help with trying for another one. But I’m guessing she doesn’t want your help since you were “confused and angry” when she went and got a job after you had told her you wanted her to get one.”

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