A man worked as an engineer, finding himself part of a team comprising seven easygoing colleagues and one individual plagued by anger management issues. He decided to change his approach when communicating with the angry individual, but this caused more problems than he had expected. Here is what he had to say:
A Furious Man
This one teammate, rather than engaging in respectful disagreements, often resorted to raising his voice, yelling, and invading personal space—an experience the man truly detested.
Seeking Assistance From the Boss
Initially, the man attempted to address this issue by confiding in his boss. He expressed his concerns about his confrontational colleague, hoping for a resolution. However, his boss simply told him, ‘He is just like that, and if I thought he was bad now I should have seen him 10 years ago before he “mellowed out.”’
Curiosity About the Past
This revelation piqued the man’s curiosity about what his colleague had been like a decade ago, given his current demeanor, which showed no signs of mellowness.
Company Dynamics and Lack of HR
Complicating matters further was the fact that their company was relatively small and devoid of a dedicated Human Resources department. Corporate management was the sole point of recourse for addressing workplace issues, and it did not appear to offer a viable solution.
A Subtle Shift in Approach
Feeling frustrated by the lack of progress, the man adopted a different strategy. ‘I stopped calling him “angry”, or calling what he was doing “arguing” or “yelling”’, he explained. ‘I just swapped in the words “emotional” or “throwing a tantrum” or “having a fit.”’
Impact on Colleagues
Gradually, these word choices started to influence his co-workers. They, too, began casually referring to the colleague’s outbursts as “fits” or “emotional episodes.”
Direct Confrontation
With growing confidence, the man even began addressing his colleague directly. During heated moments, he would express his difficulty in comprehending explanations when faced with such emotional intensity.
Shift in Reputation
Over time, the colleague’s reputation shifted from being perceived as domineering and imposing to being seen as emotional and irrational. This transformation, though clearly frustrating for the colleague, resulted in fewer confrontations with the man.
A Final Exchange
In a recent incident, the colleague slipped into his old behavior, prompting the man to comment, “I can’t talk to you when you’re being this emotional.” In response, the colleague became visibly angry, questioning the man’s persistent use of the term. The man remarked that he appeared on the verge of tears, and this suggestion further enraged his colleague.
Reflecting on Unconventional Actions
The man couldn’t help but feel a tinge of guilt for employing such a petty strategy to make his colleague see himself in a different light. However, he found solace in the fact that it had largely worked when the conventional channels had failed to provide a solution to the ongoing workplace challenge.
Seeking Forgiveness
Feeling guilty about his actions, the man headed online to confess to how he dealt with this situation. However, he was surprised to find that most people defended him. “He is, in fact, overly emotional”, one person defended. “Nothing you said (except maybe the tears bit) is in any way a lie or even an exaggeration. Stick to the truth.”
Adding Fuel to the Fire
Some readers even gave the man further ammunition to throw at his angry colleague. “Here’s another statement that you can use”, someone suggested. “Why don’t you step outside and take a minute to pull yourself together? We’ll wait. Go on, it’s okay.”
Everyone is to Blame
However, not everyone took the man’s side, with one person writing that everyone here was in the wrong: “This man sucks because he’s bullying his co-worker and getting his other co-workers to join in. The manager sucks because he isn’t proactively trying to defuse situations. The angry man sucks because he isn’t trying to help himself.”
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