A woman recently asked for guidance about her mother-in-law who overstepped the mark when the woman tried to buy a house with her husband. The woman pushed back, but was she right to exclude her mother-in-law? Here’s what she had to say:
The Woman Never Had Any Problem With Her Mother In Law
“My husband (26) and I (24) have been together for 6 years and married for 1. His mother has ALWAYS been kind to me and has only ever treated me like a daughter.”
The Husband And Mother-In-Law Had A Strange Arrangement
The woman explained that her husband’s family had never been particularly well-off. His mother had raised him and his brother alone, and now he was repaying her for her efforts. Every month, he sent her a portion of his paycheck. The woman found it strange, but she didn’t comment.
The Woman And Her Husband Were Buying A House
As a licensed realtor, the woman knew what she was doing when it came to buying houses. She already had one property, but she and her husband were looking for a dream home just for themselves. Little did she know that the house-hunt would result in conflict with her mother-in-law.
The Mother-In-Law Stuck Her Nose In
“She told him today that she wants to be ‘involved in everything’ when we are buying our property. I was taken aback a little because I’m not really sure what she means by ‘involved’ in ‘everything’. I never really heard of or knew of parents wanting to be involved with this,” the woman explained.
She Didn’t Need Any Help
While the woman understood that parental guidance might be helpful in some circumstances, she was no first-timer when it came to dealing with property. If she’d been new to the game, she might have appreciated the assistance.
Her Husband Offered His Perspective
The woman decided that the best course of action was to talk to her husband. After all, if anyone knew what was going through her mother-in-law’s head, it would be her son. But their discussion uncovered a weird mother–son dynamic.
He Was Worried That His Mom Would Be Hurt
Although he understood his wife’s take on the situation, the husband was quick to defend his mother. The situation was nuanced, and he didn’t seem willing to pick a side. To him, protecting his mother’s feelings seemed equally important as backing up his wife.
The Husband Was Caught Between A Rock And A Hard Place
The woman’s husband explained that the woman’s mother-in-law would grow suspicious if they tried to cut her out of the house-buying process. If they excluded her, she would assume that the woman had forced him to do so. That was just the way his mom thought.
The Mother-In-Law’s Suspicions Were Right
The woman admitted that she wanted the mother-in-law out of the equation. If the mother-in-law assumed that the woman was against her involvement, so be it. As far as she was concerned, it was better to hurt her overbearing relative’s feelings than have her micromanage their lives.
Was The Woman Out Of Line?
The woman didn’t think that her husband and her mother-in-law had a normal relationship. As far as she was concerned, it was time to lay down some healthy boundaries before things got any stranger. But her husband had a point: his mother would be hurt, and she would blame the woman.
The Internet Responded
One person backed the woman: “I could see getting some advice if it’s needed, but this seems like too much. Your husband should explain to her that you are more than capable of managing the process and the decision making. He has to be the one to set the boundaries with his mother.”
Another Person Agreed
“It’s not her house, it’s not her money, it’s not her business. The last thing you want is for her to try and torpedo your purchase because she thinks she knows better,” they said. “Keep her out of your money.”
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