A Woman is Sick of Planning Vacations for Her Ungrateful Husband and Brother-in-Law so She is Considering Canceling Their Christmas Trip and Going Alone

The wife is burned out and unsure of what to do after planning numerous unappreciated vacations for her husband and brother-in-law. She is considering canceling their Christmas trip following an explosive argument.

Married for Three Months

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The wife explained, “My husband and I have been together for seven years, and married for three months. We both work high-stress jobs, with high incomes and no children, we are frugal and spend our money on savings and trips.”

The Wife Plans Everything

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In their relationship, she is responsible for organizing and planning, including planning their retirement, finances, hosting friends and family, organizing gifts, appointments and vacations. She added, “For his part, he does laundry and cooks and does the dishes more than me.”

She Asked Her Husband to Help

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The wife has asked her husband to assist her on some of their vacation plans and tasks, for example; finding an Uber or bringing beach towels. However, he often ignores her until it’s too late or makes mistakes and ends up blaming her if things go wrong.

An Ongoing Problem

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She explained, “For our wedding I did 99% of the planning and he promised in return that he would plan a honeymoon.” This didn’t happen as the husband failed to find a suitable vacation package and they wound up not going on a honeymoon at all. 

Her Brother-in-Law Goes on Vacation With Them

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Her husband has a twin brother who often joins them on vacation. She explained, “Like my husband, his twin doesn’t help plan and he has never thanked me for planning trips for us. He behaves like coming on the trips is a gift to me.” She has tried to be friendly with him but the friendliness isn’t reciprocated. 

The Brothers Complained About the Trip

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Recently, they went on a vacation to Hawaii, where the wife planned the hotel, flights, itinerary and dinners. She added, “When I brought up the fact that they complained a lot and never said thank you, my brother-in-law said that he told me the “sunset was nice” and that is the same as a thank you.”

An Argument Erupted

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The wife expressed to her husband that she was upset that they hadn’t helped her and he swore at her and threatened that if she canceled any future trips, she would be uninvited to his family’s Thanksgiving.

The Wife Wants to Cancel Their Christmas Trip

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She explained, “I’ve already planned and booked an elaborate three week Christmas trip to Italy for the three of us but I just feel exhausted. At this point, I’m considering canceling it entirely, canceling my own portion, or canceling both of their portions and going solo.”

What Should She Do?

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Should she go on the trip with her husband and brother-in-law? Or go alone? Would she be in the wrong to cancel the trip entirely?

She Turned to the Internet for Advice

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The majority of users offered support. One person commented “Why did you marry him? Or by extension, his twin it sounds like. Cancel your husband and his twin’s Christmas trips and go solo. But I would suggest a trip to the divorce lawyer first.”

Another Person Commented

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“Don’t let him gaslight you. You both know what he said about Thanksgiving. You both know he swore at you for reasonably expressing frustration. How many times does he say reality isn’t true? This comes from the same space as him blaming you for things that go wrong on his watch.”

Someone Shared Their Perspective

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“My friends and I have a rule, if you don’t participate in the planning of the trip, you don’t get to complain about anything on the trip. The time to offer input was when we were making plans. If you sit back and let everyone else do the work, then you forfeit the right to complain.”

Another User Commented

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“You don’t have a partner. You have a taker. He is putting in the bare minimum effort and getting far more back.”

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