Whether or not to have children is a deeply personal decision, and there is no right or wrong answer. Some people feel called to parenthood, while others are content to live a childfree life. An internet survey recently asked, “What are the cons of not having kids?”
Here are the 18 best responses:
People Assume You Don’t Like Kids
“I love kids and am an honorary cool aunt to several. Things didn’t work out for me to have my own.”
“If I have kids, it will delete my last chance to spend (necessary) time on myself. I need to catch up on missed developmental milestones. I didn’t get to spend my childhood, teens, or college on myself. I have to do it now, or I won’t get to do it at all.”
You Don’t Have the Same Perception of Time
“When I run into a friend and his kids have aged ten years old, you realize how old you are.”
“My life is literally broken up into before kids and after kids. It’s a very distinct line. I never thought about it if it wasn’t like that.”
You Aren’t Constantly Distracted, So the Existential Dread Creeps In
“There is plenty of existential dread when you have a child; it is just focused on their future.”
“I seriously discussed this with my wife as something to recognize if we decide not to have kids.”
It’s Lonely
“Many friends distance themselves because they don’t want to bring their children to my house in fear of them ‘wrecking’ it (note: I’m not a fancy person and don’t care anyway), and don’t want me to see theirs because it’s wrecked. They don’t want to go out because it will be ‘too stressful.’ When we finally do get together, I listen to their stories, but rarely get asked about my life because they’re so consumed with parenting that’s all they can focus on.”
“I literally had a friend text me yesterday that she doesn’t want her children to “Wreck my house.” It’s so frustrating that people automatically assume that I am that shallow. And it gets lonely not being able to see them because of that.”
Side Eye When You Go to Chuck E Cheese
“I’d say “never having to set foot in Chuck E Cheese” is solidly on the pro side of being childfree.”
“They don’t let you in without a kid.”
People Interview You About Your Private Medical Information
“And then they optimistically tell you about all the miracle babies born to people with your same health situation.”
“Ouch. I had a coworker who said she had fertility problems when she was younger, and that’s the reason she never asks people when or if they have kids. She figured that they’ll talk about it if they wanted to. Otherwise, it was none of her business because she didn’t want to accidentally ask people about an uncomfortable subject, whether it might be because someone has problems like that or doesn’t want kids.”
Losing Friends
“As you get older, your friends who aren’t childfree will start getting married and having kids. They’ll still love you, like you, and try to keep in touch, but their life will be very different from yours. Their priorities will change, and you will inevitably be bumped down the list. You could start resenting them for not being present for you like they used to be. They could start drifting from you because they feel you no longer understand their life and struggles.”
“Yeah, I’m in my 30s, and the first couple in our friend group just had a kid. So far, it’s still going ok. But mostly because we’re compromising, which is what you got to do, right? So we meet up at their house or online. We’ve gone over a few times to help them with stuff (baby proofing, cleaning up, etc). We’ll probably get replaced sooner or later with friends with kids; that’s how life works. But for now, it’s going alright.”
Spending Years, Possibly Decades, Without a Single Family Member Alive
“The one upside to the fact that Millennials and Gen Zers are recognizing that the world we inherited will not provide us the support we would need to have kids is that we’ll still have each other when we’re old and childless instead of young and childless. A much more lively and chosen-family-oriented social scene will likely be available for us when we’re 60 than there were for our moms and dads back in the day. I do worry about that nursing home future sometimes. Still, at least the nursing home will be full of other old people in the same boat as me, and they’ll probably have good video games and stuff.”
Leaving No Legacy
“I’m an only child of only children (no aunts, uncles, or cousins), and I’ve never met someone like me. I won’t be having children, so I’m at the end of two lines. It used to freak me out, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that generations of people had kids and tossed them out into the world to make their own decisions, and this one is mine. It’s probably not the end any of them saw coming. Still, many of them probably couldn’t conceptualize the internet either.”
“So are billions and gazillions before you who have been forgotten throughout history. To be forgotten is the default unless you leave a significant mark in human history. You won’t be forgotten whether it is positive or negative.”
Nobody Will Ever Be as Impressed With You as Your Own 4-Year-Old
“Every day when we get home from school, I give my son a snack, and he says “it’s great to have a dad like you!” Little man, I am literally handing you a bag of sour cream and cheddar chips, but thank you.”
“Nothing is more amazing when the student becomes the teacher. It was a special moment to me when my son was able to tell ME facts or when my other son was able to beat a game I couldn’t. Seeing them grow from sponges of everything you say to see them seek out knowledge and be excited to share it with you.”
People Asking You When You’re Having Kids
“I got so sick of that question, which was a regular one. It mostly stopped when my brother got married and had a kid. It started back up after his divorce.”
“I think it just changes to “When are you having more?””
My Parents Constantly Ask Me to Do Stuff for Them
“I think about all the effort my sisters and I have put into caring for my mom and think, well, I’m not going to have that support from kids, so I better be rich. I am not rich.”
“The most annoying thing is people think if you have no kids, your life is empty, and you have nothing going on, which means you have endless free time. I’m busy doing fun stuff I want to spend my time doing; it’s why I never had kids.”
Having Nobody Else in My Life Someday
“I worry about that too, but I try to train my brain so that when that thought happens, I think about my spouse and their existence. The way they breathe, the feeling of their warm skin, their smile, the curve of their back. I think about the things I love about them, the silly jokes, the things they like to talk about, their hobbies.”
“I fear losing my husband and having no part of him in my world. Now we have a kid, and I see so much of him in her.”
My Family Only Wants to Make Plans With the Siblings That Have Kids
“30-year-old with no kids, but my 3 older siblings have 14 children. They all went to Cancun with my dad/stepmom a couple months ago. Not only did I not receive an invite, but I was also asked to dog-sit.”
“I was upset about this kind of thing for a while. Then my sisters’ kids became middle school age. They are now starting to have their own life and are less interested in grandparents. Suddenly my parents want to spend major holidays with me and my husband again.”
Can’t Make Dad Jokes
“I like to think my dog really enjoys my dad’s jokes.”
“Being a dad is not a prerequisite for making dad jokes. I was making them well before I was actually a dad.”
Less Obvious Who to Pass Assets Onto After Death
“Working briefly in nursing homes has given me the utmost confidence in saying that having kids is no guarantee of avoiding loneliness in old age.”
“The reality is that your children will grow up and live their adult lives that often take precedence. Suppose Mom and Dad are retired in Florida, and the kids are off living in California or Texas. In that case, it will be fairly hard for them to be there for their parents when needed.”
You Have to Get Up and Get Your Own Beer
“That’s why mini fridges were invented.”
“Are you Homer Simpson?”
Not Having That Special Love for a Child
“From looking at my family tree, especially on my mom’s side, I don’t think everybody gets that kind of love feeling. Unfortunately.”
“It’s been crazy to experience that kind of love. It really is a deep connection if you lean into the responsibility that comes with it.”
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