A 28-year-old man has been dealing with the challenges of his 66-year-old mother’s dementia. He has warned his 29-year-old partner about her lack of filter and strong racist and homophobic views. “These are the reasons why I have not introduced them to my mom,” he explains.
Acceptance of Behavior
The man has learned to live with his mother’s behavior as trying to correct or argue with her has proven futile. Her doctors also believe it’s a wasted effort to attempt to rectify such behavior.
Meeting the Mother
Despite warnings, his partner insisted on meeting his mother. He again expressed his concerns, but his partner was adamant. The meeting went as he anticipated; his mother behaved as she usually does. This resulted in his partner becoming upset and criticizing him for not trying to correct his mother.
The Man’s Response
The man reiterated his previous stance, “I explained it is a waste of time, and I told you all of this beforehand.” He empathized with his partner, acknowledging his mom’s sharp tongue, but remained firm in his approach.
Justification of Tolerance
His partner continued to challenge him on his tolerance for his mother’s behavior. He defended himself, “She is my mom who is sick.” He began to lighten the mood by making jokes, which further upset his partner.
A Difficult Choice
The man tried to explain to his partner about his past attempts to change his mother’s behavior and how it was too painful to continue. He had to choose between accepting his mother’s behavior or never seeing her again. He confesses, “I love my mom, so I picked the former.”
A Public Confrontation
The issue resurfaced during a dinner with friends, where he was accused of being the “worst type of person” for not attempting to correct his mother’s behavior. One even suggested he should disown his mother. After hearing this, he decided to leave.
Questioning His Actions
Left with a sense of uncertainty, the man questions his actions. He asks, “Am I wrong for not correcting the behavior, and downplaying the seriousness of the issue? Did I overreact when I left the dinner? Should I have done more to protect the feelings of my partner?”
One user said, “You did your best to explain to your partner, and they chose not to heed your warning. Everything that happened as soon as they opened that door is on them, not you.”
Another Person Noted
“Agreed on the NTA. My dad has late-stage Alzheimer’s, and there is no educating or managing him. You just deal with things as they come. OP’s partner has zero understanding of dementia. Also, OP warned them. It’s the partner’s fault for insisting.”
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