Her Friend’s Girlfriend Obsessively Tried To Bond With Her Over Their Somewhat Similar Ethnicity – Was It Justifiable That She Eventually Snapped? 

A woman in her mid-twenties had a diverse friend group that she cherished closely. There was rarely ever any tension between the friends until one day the girlfriend of one of the friends began asking the woman problematic questions. 

Introducing Josie

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One of the woman’s male friends had recently formed a relationship with a woman named Josie. Both the woman and Josie were mixed race whilst the rest of the group was predominately white, and this would be the cause of a future conundrum.

Josie’s Intrusive Behavior

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Surprisingly, Josie had begun to make some out-of-pocket statements to the woman that were bordering on racism. “This included things like asking me if/why all my friends are white, questions about my mother’s (African) background, and comments about how I do my hair, like how I shouldn’t straighten it”, the woman explained.

Laughing It Off

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The woman did not appreciate these attempts at bonding. “I always try to steer the conversation away from these topics and laugh it off but she brings it up so often”, she explained. 

Grasping At Straws

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The woman also believed that she and Josie really didn’t have that much in common ethnically. “Josie and I may both be half African but we’re not from the same country in Africa. We have wildly different cultures, so she’s grasping at straws. And that’s to say nothing of the fact that it makes me uncomfortable.”

Taking It Too Far

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The woman tried to brush these comments aside, but it wouldn’t be long until it all became too much. One day, Josie asked the woman a troubling question. She explained: “Josie asked me if there were any black students in my year and I said yes, but I didn’t know them very well. She then asked if the reason was that they thought I wasn’t ‘black enough’”.

Confronting Josie

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The woman could not believe what Josie had just asked. In a moment of frustration, she candidly expressed her feelings about Josie’s fixation on her racial identity. She stated that Josie’s obsession with this aspect of her identity was “creepy” and made it clear that she didn’t appreciate the constant racial focus. 

Josie’s Apology

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Taken aback, Josie attempted to apologize. However, the woman firmly insisted that the only acceptable apology was for Josie to stop incessantly bringing up the topic.

Nick’s Intervention

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Following this confrontation, the woman’s boyfriend Nick approached her to discuss the situation. He conveyed Josie’s discomfort and mentioned her unresolved racial trauma. He implied that his girlfriend had humiliated Josie and made her uncomfortable.

Sticking To Boundaries

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Despite her boyfriend’s comments, the woman stood her ground. She asserted that she wouldn’t become Josie’s emotional support “colored” friend. She questioned Nick’s perspective on their relationship, particularly the implication that she should accept Josie’s behavior for the sake of their friendship.

The Fallout

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Nick and two friends took Josie’s side, believing that the woman’s response had been too harsh. This led to a rift within their social circle, with Nick feeling accused of racism, and the woman feeling misunderstood and unsupported.

Seeking Advice

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The woman remained angry about the situation, especially the way that her boyfriend was defending Josie’s behavior. She posted her story on her favorite social media platform, eager to see what the comments were like. “She keeps subtly implying you’re ‘white-washed’, I would be beyond annoyed”, pointed out one fellow mixed-race reader. 

Josie The Hypocrite

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Many readers felt that Josie was being hypocritical. “I am also biracial, half black”, wrote one commenter. “Why is Josie so obsessed with you not hanging out with more black people, when she herself has joined a mostly white social group and is dating a white person as well? It sounds like she is projecting her insecurities. Date and hang out with whomever you want.”

Just Trying To Bond

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However, not everyone took the woman’s side. “It honestly sounds like Josie was trying to bond”, suggested one reader. “Sure, she was going about this the wrong way, but you responded by laughing it off until you just turned mean (probably making her feel even more isolated than she already was”.

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