A man, who was a seasoned flight attendant, had chosen to prioritize work over family gatherings for the past decade. To complicate matters further, her Ex is now married to her sister with children. Here is what she had to say:
The Roots Behind His Decision
The man’s decision was rooted in a painful history involving a family betrayal. The betrayal affected him so deeply, that he couldn’t bear to face his home environment.
The Betrayal
“Long story short, my ex knocked up my sister and they got married”, remembered the man painfully. “I have no interest in them and haven’t met their children. I haven’t even gone back to my hometown since their engagement announcement.”
His Mother’s Pleads
Despite his firm decision, the man’s mother had always found it awful and felt like the man had become estranged from the family. “She always asks me when I’m going to come back”, the man wrote.
Using Excuses
In response to his mother’s questions, the man struggled to be open and direct. “The real answer is never, but I tell her I don’t know.”, the man explained. The man would also blame work for his absence, but this clearly wasn’t the true reason.
His Parents Weren’t Getting Any Younger
The man had also found this has become increasingly difficult to bear. He explained: “Mum and Dad are getting up there in years and they want a family celebration with everyone. Including my cheat of an ex and his family.”
A Mother’s Heartache
Recently, the man’s mother had made a heartfelt request for him to attend Thanksgiving, causing her to break down in tears over the phone. The emotional weight of this request had brought the man to a crossroads in his decision-making.
Conflicting Emotions
The flight attendant became torn between the desire to uphold his chosen path, free from the reminders of a painful past, and the guilt associated with not being there for his aging parents, especially during a family celebration.
Colleagues’ Perspective
The man’s fellow flight attendants, his chosen family, had urged him to consider putting in a time-off request for Thanksgiving. They argue that prioritizing work over family may not be healthy in the long run.
A Choice To Make
The holiday season was soon approaching for the man, and he would have to make a difficult decision. Would he head on a vacation for Thanksgiving and prioritize his personal peace and enjoyment, or would he heed his mother’s plea and attend a Thanksgiving gathering that may bring closure or even further turmoil?
Searching Online For Answers
The man simply could not make his decision, so he headed online to type out his story and get some fresh perspectives. Some people thought the man had acted correctly, with one writing, ‘Are your parents on your sister’s side? Are they like “Well yeah they cheated but now they have kids so it’s OK”? If so, they deserve it.’
Be Direct
However, many readers were concerned about how the man was handling the situation, constantly using work as an excuse. ‘I think you should be direct with your mother’, one commenter wrote. ‘Saying “Sorry, I’m working” is very different than “Mum, I’m never coming home because I don’t want to see anyone connected with my sister and cheating ex.”’
Other Options
One commenter empathized with the man, whilst also reminding him that this shouldn’t be affecting his relationship with his parents. “Has she never invited you home for a weekend or even Christmas when your sister and ex-friend are not around?”, they asked. “How about sending them tickets to join you at a destination of your choice?”
Awful For His Parents
Not everyone who commented took the man’s side. “If you are refusing to spend any time at all with your parents solo, then you’re in the wrong here”, one person accused. “If they are willing to respect your boundaries, then you need to start thinking about how you can support them as they age.”
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