She Decided Not to Work for Mental Health Reasons but Still Sends Her Daughter to Full-Time Daycare, and Now Her Ex-Husband Is Calling Her an Unfit Parent

This woman’s ex-husband called her an unfit parent because she is choosing not to go back to work for mental health reasons and keeping their child in daycare full time. Here’s what the woman had to say:

She Divorced Her Husband

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She explained, “My ex-husband and I got divorced back in October due to polyamorous relationship issues. I will say he asked for the opening of our marriage and the normal thing happened. He had a string of partners, nothing really steady. I had the same partner for two years and they actually became good friends until we got divorced.”

He Gave Her An Ultimatum

Communication Is Harder Than You Think
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Her ex-husband eventually gave her the ultimatum to either drop her partner or separate the marriage. She explained, “I chose to separate because my partner treated me better than my husband. I was all he wanted (unlike my husband wanting to open the marriage just “to see what was out there). He made me feel like I was enough for him, and he took care of my daughter like she was his own.”

They Share Custody

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After divorcing, she rented out the house to him and moved in with her partner. She and her ex-husband share custody of their daughter on a one-week on, one-week off basis and have a rotating pickup schedule from daycare. 

The Woman Is Not Working

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Her partner suggested that due to mental health reasons, she shouldn’t have to work if she doesn’t want to. She added, “I have passive income from military compensation so any money I get outside the house is just extra.

So I took his suggestion. I haven’t had a job since January of this year and all I do is take care of the house. I clean, mind the veggie garden, run errands, etc.”

Things Have Been Going Well

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She stated, “He’s been content with our arrangement and so have I. I feel like I have more mental bandwidth to properly give my daughter the attention she wants/needs because I’m not burned out at the end of the day like I had been when I was working.”

She Met With Her Ex-Husband

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The pair had a meeting where she offered to sell him the house. She added, “He snuck in asking when I was planning on going back to work and I answered him honestly saying with my partner getting a promotion which came with a raise, I probably wouldn’t be unless I really had to.”

He Called Her An Unfit Parent

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The ex-husband was unhappy with this, saying that she is a stay-at-home parent but their child still goes to daycare every day.

She added, “I explained as briefly as possible that I chose to not go back to work for mental health reasons and having our daughter at home full time would be counterproductive to me not working. He said outright that “some would think [I’m] an unfit parent for making that decision”

She Later Clarified The Situation

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According to our divorce decree, we are both required to pay for 26 weeks of daycare throughout the year. So that means we are paying literally half and half. So that means even if I took her out of daycare, he would still have to pay for half of daycare due to him still working.”

Is She In The Wrong?

Passiveness
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Or is her ex-husband wrong to call her an unfit parent? Is she wrong to still use the daycare? 

She Turned To The Internet For Advice

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One user stated, “He has absolutely no say in what you and your new husband do while your daughter is with you, provided your daughter isn’t in any kind of danger. One could argue that if your daughter being home full time affected your mental health it would make for a WORSE home environment for your daughter.”

Another Person Shared Their Perspective

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You are not responsible for him anymore. As for the house: give him a notice and put the house on the market. He can buy the house for the highest bid. Don’t give him a deal that’ll effectively cost you money.”

Someone Else Commented

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“He wanted to open your marriage to “see what was out there” (ew, IMO) and is now mad you ended up finding better than him “out there”. Good for you!!!”

Another User Gave Advice

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“What your ex-husband wants you to do is none of your concern. You and your partner have your own life now and can make your own decisions. It’s time to completely split your finances (the house) so the only thing you have to talk about is your daughter.”

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