A woman was getting married, but her husband’s family’s strange traditions caused controversy. His family agreed to compromise, but then they went back on it, causing family drama. Here’s what she had to say:
She Wasn’t Close To His Family
The woman explained, “My husband and I just got married this January, but the wedding was an absolute mess. For context, my husband, Ben, has a very close-knit family that doesn’t take well to outsiders, surprises, or change. Most family reunions and gatherings don’t allow plus-ones or spouses, just immediate family.”
She Wasn’t The Only One They Excluded
The woman explained that Ben had two brothers and one sister, and even their spouses were not allowed at most family events, so it was not just her who faced this exclusion.
They Had A Decent Relationship
Even though she was not able to attend most events with Ben’s family, the woman explained, “I still have a somewhat decent relationship with them.” In addition, prior to the wedding, things had always been fine between them and even though they remained distant, she didn’t particularly mind.
They Choose The Perfect Wedding Day
The woman and her husband chose New Year’s Day as their wedding date, as it held great significance for them – it was the day they first met, the day Ben asked her to be his girlfriend, and the day he proposed. Everyone agreed that New Year’s Day was the perfect choice, so there were no initial problems there.
His Family Had Strange Traditions
However, it wasn’t long before problems cropped up. Ben’s family had several peculiar traditions, and the woman explained she had “put up with them and embraced them.” These traditions extended to wedding planning and included having a homemade sheet cake instead of a professional wedding cake, everyone wearing all-white attire, and having all the children in attendance walk up the aisle to toss flowers rather than designating one specific flower girl or boy.
Nevertheless, the woman wanted the wedding day to be special for everyone, so she and her husband agreed to compromise. They agreed to have a homemade sheet cake, but they had to agree on the flavor and design. They allowed guests to wear whatever they wanted, with the exception of white attire and decided not to have any children at the wedding (this suggestion came from Ben). They discussed these rules and boundaries with both families, and everyone seemed to be on board (or so they thought).
His Family Went Back On Their Agreement
On the wedding day, her side of the family arrived dressed appropriately, and there were no children present as planned. Everything seemed to be going well until Ben’s family arrived. They arrived wearing all-white and had brought numerous children and babies with them! This completely disregarded the rules that had been set and agreed upon by everyone, and the woman felt their traditions held more importance than her wishes on her wedding day.
They Were Angry
Only three people, the spouses of Ben’s siblings, respected the agreed-upon rules. She and Ben felt mortified by the situation. They promptly asked those who broke the rules to leave and allowed the three individuals who followed the rules to stay, although they left with their partners.
It Spoiled The Wedding
The woman explained what happened next, “The wedding went on as normal, but it felt ruined. We ended up canceling the post-wedding celebration after some of his family members snuck inside. After we came back from our honeymoon, we were both berated by his family members and basically “shunned” by his family. I feel guilty for not allowing them to practice their traditions.”
The Internet Responded
One person said, “Do not feel guilty! They are their traditions. They are not your traditions. It is your wedding and your rules. They could ask to include them but should abide by the decision of the bride and groom. They are used to having their way. And they are incredibly rude by not including spouses in family celebrations. I know my spouse wouldn’t attend anything like that when I would be intentionally regularly excluded.”
Another Person Made a Comment
“You and your husband reached a compromise and all parties needed to respect the boundaries y’all set. Honestly…the whole thing sounds a little culty, ya know!? It’s a wedding, not a birthday party. God bless you for agreeing to the cake.”
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