The man earns a good salary and gives his fiancée money on a weekly basis. When she demanded more, he requested access to her bank account to see her expenses, resulting in an explosive argument.
The Couple Have Been Together for Six Years
The man explained, “My fiancée and I are in our late 20s, have been together for six years, set to marry in 2 years.”
The Man Makes Good Money
When the couple first started dating, the man earned minimum wage and now earns much more. He clarified, “I make pretty good money for my age. In fact, I make more money than any of my friends or family.”
His Fiancée Lost Her Job
Five months ago, the fiancée was fired from her job as a waitress for no-showing to attend her uncle’s funeral. He added, ”Since then, she hasn’t worked. I really didn’t mind at all. I make enough for us both to have some major cushion.”
He Gave Her $400 Per Week
The man explained, “I am against joint bank accounts entirely, so instead I just would Venmo her some cash weekly. It was $400 for a while and everything was okay.”
His Fiancée Wants More Money
Recently, the fiancée has hinted for more money, complaining about being ‘broke’ and not having enough money to survive. The man clarified, “I know this isn’t true because I shop weekly and fill our kitchen with food, our bathroom with toiletries, and pay every bill.”
The Man Requested Access to Her Bank Account
He said yes, with the condition that she give him her bank account details so that he could see exactly what she was spending the money on. He added, “I could see the clothes, fast food and other trinkets she brought home, but I hadn’t a clue how she was blowing through all that cash, sometimes in one day.”
An Argument Erupted
The fiancée was angry at this suggestion. He explained, “She blew up. Telling me I wasn’t trusting her and how I was the one against joint bank accounts so I should understand her privacy.”
Others Have Sided With the Fiancée
He explained, “I talked to my sister and therapist about this and they both took her side, saying I was not respecting her privacy when I’m the one that demands it also.”
Is He in the Wrong?
Is he wrong to demand to see her bank statements if he gives her more money? Should he have handled the situation differently?
He Turned to the Internet for Advice
Users shared their opinions and solutions to the issue. One person commented, “It sounds like you and your intended have some vastly different expectations in the relationship. Instead of talking these over, the two of you have allowed money to become a proxy.”
Another Person Commented
“You say you don’t mind her not working, but when she complains that she’s broke, has the idea of her getting a job come back up? Also, have you asked her how she’s broke from the money you’ve been giving her? There’s a difference between you wanting to check up on her, and you just not understanding how she can’t manage with the money she has.”
Someone Shared Their Perspective
“It is condescending and sexist to give your wife an allowance and demand to audit her expenditures. It is NOT condescending and sexist for the two of you to sit down and WORK TOGETHER to create a monthly household budget.”
Another User Commented
“You guys should see a financial counselor before you get married. Red flag and she should be working. I mean $400 a week is a lot for someone who isn’t paying rent. You should slowly cut her off maybe by $100 a week. Right now she has no incentive to work and she is using manipulation tactics against you.”
Someone Shared Their Advice
“Keep financials separate. Then tell her that as you’re not her boss or employer in any way, you’re not obligated to bankroll her fun money. If she wishes to continue spending YOUR money, you require access to her statements to see how she’s spending this money.”
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