This woman has stated that she doesn’t want visitors for the first three to four weeks after giving birth. Her mom is helping to cook and clean but her in-laws think it’s unfair.
The Woman Explained The Situation
She said “I am pregnant and expecting a boy in December. I’m not American but my mom is coming and staying with my husband and I for two months to help cook and clean while I take care of my baby.”
She Will Be Taking Care Of The Baby
Her husband works night shifts and until noon three times a week. She added, “I already know I’ll be taking the night shift every night with the baby and he won’t be able to help me in those days before the afternoon.”
She Doesn’t Want Visitors In The First Few Weeks
She is having a C-section and would like to heal properly and take care of the newborn without visitors for the first three to four weeks after the birth. She added, “I’m also concerned with his immune system during that time and wanted to wait for him to get at least some of his vaccines.”
Her In-Laws Will Be At The Hospital
She explained, “My husband told my in-laws they can see the baby at the hospital when he’s born but after that we’d go for 3 to 4 weeks without any visitors, them included. His mom’s jaw dropped and they said they couldn’t believe they weren’t going to be allowed to see the baby during that time.”
She Doesn’t Have A Good Relationship With The In-Laws
Her husband asked her why his parents can’t visit during those weeks and whether she has a problem with his parents. She clarified, “I don’t have a good relationship with his parents but ultimately I didn’t want visitors since I’ll still be healing from the surgery and taking care of the baby while also teaching online part-time.”
They Are Jealous Of Her Mother
The woman explained, “I know they’re also upset that my mother will be here for two months while they can’t see the baby for 3 weeks, however, they never offered to cook, clean, nor do groceries for us.”
Her Mother In-Law Insists On Seeing The Baby
The in-laws keep saying that they want to “see the baby” and have suggested that they can bring the baby to visit whenever they like. Her husband explained that they won’t be driving the baby anywhere.
She Later Clarified The Situation
She added, “My husband also struggles with saying “no” to his parents. He’s starting to set some boundaries and speaking up but it’s still a learning curve. So, if they visit every week I’d ask for masks and no kissing but unless I’m around to reinforce these rules there’s a chance they might not follow.”
Her Mom Will Be Leaving In Two Months
She explained, “I was hoping the fact that my mom would leave after two months and after that she’d only see the baby in one year since she lives in another country would be fair with the in-laws not seeing the baby in the first 4 weeks, since they live 30 minutes away and would able to see him for the rest of his life, however, by the comments I got my decision would still generate a lot of resentment.”
She Turned To The Internet For Advice
One user commented, “A C-Section takes 6 weeks to recover, as it is surgery and you aren’t allowed to lift anything but the baby. As for your husband’s family, they can want to see the baby all they want, they wait till after 6 plus weeks and schedule the visits staggered out not all at once. No kissing the baby as anyone with a cold sore can pass the virus to your child.”
Another Person Gave Advice
“There’s things like FaceTime or Zoom, so they’d at least see and talk to the baby. That might help until they can come in person.”
Someone Shared Their Perspective
“I really don’t understand this trend or obsession to “meet the baby”. They don’t care for anything but milk and their mother, so I don’t understand the urgency of the rest of the family to go where she is resting after a rather painful surgery to bother her.”
Another User Commented
“Surgery is a major event. Your mom is there for a very practical and needed purpose, to take care of you. In-laws are being rude. It’s about competing with your mom for baby-time. Otherwise they would have a plan to be useful.”
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